4 Essential Components of a Healthy Relationship with Food

It’s time to break it to ya - you and food share a close bond. That’s right. You two are BFF’s.

“You have an unhealthy relationship with food.”

Living in a diet-focused society, we constantly hear it. Restricting, fasting, cutting out macros or food groups, juicing, cleansing, “clean eating”, ignoring and avoiding food desires, refusing to eat out, etc., are all characteristic of dieting and NONE of these embody a healthy relationship with food – no matter what lies we tell ourselves. So if this is what a healthy relationship with food does NOT look like, what DOES it look like?

First, a healthy relationship with food involves relaxed eating - being at ease with the social, emotional, and physical components of food and eating. Relaxed eating means listening to and being aware of our body’s hunger cues (i.e. intuitive eating) and satisfying those cues with pleasurable eating. It allows one to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. It is the opposite of emotional eating. In the former, food is not used to soothe unpleasant emotional arousal (ex., stress, anxiety) as it is in the latter. Relaxed eating allows us to mindfully LISTEN to our hunger and fullness and not wait for either to be screaming at us for attention. In relaxed eating, one can eat more, less, or differently than “normal” without judgement, punishment, or compensation. Here, one can easily and compassionately respond to changes in routine, mood, and/or physical demands. With relaxed eating comes relaxed thinking about food, weight, and one’s body. It is a gateway to the expression of self-trust and self-expression.

Second, in a healthy relationship with food, preference trumps position. Let me explain. Daily life requires making choices. What to wear, when to go to sleep, what to watch on TV, etc. Habits form when we make specific, repetitive choices because we PREFER them over others. This is why we watch that episode of “Survivor” every night – it entertains us. More importantly, it keeps us in our “comfort zone.” It feels “safe” and “secure.” The trouble begins when we make these secure choices ALL the time without ever trying anything new. It is unrealistic to live in this comfort zone 24/7, 365. Yes, you might love cuddling up in your cozy bed and tuning into “Survivor” every night at 8 pm, but when your partner who hates the show comes over, you might have to put on something else. This flexibility is necessary to live a healthy life, mind and body. Not every preference fits every situation and so it would be unfitting to not change our decisions in varying environments or in different circumstances. The same applies to our food choices. This does not mean that favorites and least favorites cannot exist and are wrong to have. It is not that black and white. Yes, you might and CAN hate avocados. The issue arises when specific foods and eating habits become your ONLY option, leading to an obsessive mindset. Eating certain foods at particular times or engaging in similar rigid habits is where preferences quickly turn into positions, leaving us stuck. By “positions," we mean fixed spots where you feel you have no alternative but to do what you are accustomed to. A healthy relationship with food allows us to be open to temporarily foregoing a preference. Preferences need not become unwavering regimens. This ties into the last two very important components of a healthy relationship with food - flexibility and balance. 

Balance is a variation in the type of food we consume. It allows us to comfortably, and without guilt and/or shame, do that. Avoiding certain food groups (i.e. proteins, fats, carbs) is certainly NOT balance and is a clear signal of an unhealthy relationship with food. So yes, simply put, “everything in moderation.” Just like there is a time and place for everything in life, there is a place for everything in your eating. 

Balance also means eating for BOTH pleasure and hunger. When we eat for hunger, we fulfill our body’s biological need for nourishment. Avoiding your body’s cry for sustenance is dangerous and doing so repeatedly can lead to more disordered eating patterns and pose major health consequences (ex: eating disorders). When we eat for pleasure, we LIVE! Enjoying that [insert your favorite food] just feels good, doesn’t it?! Some foods just make us HAPPY! And that, in itself, is a valid reason to eat for pleasure. Remember, food is FUNCTIONAL! We eat to power our bodies, minds, and souls! Pleasure eating allows us to associate positive feelings and experiences with food. Dieting is most definitely not a way of doing this and is why balance and dieting cannot coexist. Diets most always imply some type of restriction, be it through food quantity or type. That is the opposite of balance. It is neither healthy nor logical to deny ourselves food groups or to limit our calories. With a healthy relationships with food, no food or macronutrient is our enemy. 

Finally, a healthy relationship with food embodies flexibility. It is the absence of strict rules around eating and food habits. A healthy relationship with food means “going with the flow” and freely accepting and welcoming nonconformities to preferred foods as a natural part of life and NOT as a criticism of your worth. With a healthy relationship with food, we don’t panic when our sister takes us to a restaurant that doesn’t serve “clean” options and/or serves “junk.” We allow for this flexibility and enjoy the meal regardless. We do not leave or go to another. It’s critical to give ourselves this freedom and allow for this flexibility of making unplanned food choices. We often demonize and revere foods by labeling them “good” and “clean” or “bad” and “junk.” These labels give us control of what we are putting into our bodies. Realistically, these are just paradigms that serve ZERO health purpose. A healthy relationship with food is one where we consume BOTH stereotypically “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods without guilt or judgment. Yes, BREAKING NEWS - it is okay to have dessert after dinner! As is eating “too much.” It is normal to sometimes eat beyond our comfort zone. Maybe your body is not hungry until later that day when you enjoy a typically “abnormal” quantity of food. We sometimes eat more and we sometimes eat less. Doing this occasionally has no effect on our health. Neither of these, when occurring sparingly, is dangerous, wrong or immoral.

So please, TRUST YOUR BODY! It is much wiser than you give it credit for.

Always remember and welcome these four principles: variation, preference, flexibility, and

with open arms because they are the keys to a healthy relationship with food.